i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
