i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
