Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize