can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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