they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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