I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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