Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
