I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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