Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
