im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We are all done wearing pants today
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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