A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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