Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
