he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
50% drunk capacity currently
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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