Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
