Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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