Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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