I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
