we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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