it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
