I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
