Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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