we have officially lost it.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
