I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize