Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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