hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
