so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
