so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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