I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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