I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
