You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
