You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
