I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
