yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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