Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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