:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
