i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
