Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
