True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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