He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
