Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It's official drugs can't kill me
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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