"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
