she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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