You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
