genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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