why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
