I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
