Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
