Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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