I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
