my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
