and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
