i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I need to stop coming to work sober
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize