I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
