the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
