I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
