Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
babies were throwing up all over the place
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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