Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
