Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i think i have two assholes
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
