he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
