This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
