haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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