Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
