I love black thongs
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
