If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
