Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
its liver damage thursday
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
