If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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