I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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