If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
